DARE Chapter 26

"I used to be afraid of the d*ck

Now I throw lips to the sh*t."

-Lil' Kim

Los Angeles.  The city of angels... and devils.  The place where dreams are made and then pummeled to death with blunt objects.  LA is the perfect place for anyone to have a birthday.  After all, aren't we all just a little reborn when we visit Hollyhood?

Maya's 30^th birthday and her alter ego Jezebel's 22^nd.  Maya had been having a private freak out over turning 30.  Like everybody else she was thirsting for eternal youth, but now that she was here it wasn't so bad at all.  Especially because she was now only 22.  Again. The plastic sunshine looked ready for its close up too and it was clear that fame was the top religion in the land as they exited the jet to find paparazzi waiting on the runway.  Reporters from Source Magazine to Rolling Stone trailed the tour and met them at every stop, but on the runway? 

"I don't think that's legal," said Luci.  "But I do like their style. To your right, Cleo. Give attitude.  Give them hips." 

"Look!" Maya shrieked.  There was a dead seagull behind the photogs, its long beak splayed against the pavement. 

"Aw man. Plane musta hit it," Thug growled, groggy from the night before.

"What was it doing this far away from the ocean?" Maya shielded her face, trying not to see its death.

"Cleo, Robeson, over here... Over here..."

Luci, part time publicist, full time den mother decided that the Cleo X birthday celebration would be at BiSex, the new Sunset Drive hotspot that boasted male and female strippers and a dance floor.  In addition, the luxe "burlesque" club jointly owned by several celebs had a full scale Italian restaurant serving the finest cuisine, 3 bars, and a wine lounge.  Maya's red carpet party was in full swing by the time she arrived at midnight poured into a liquid gold and white Grecian Cavalli mini dress that showed off the bigger boobs she sprouted from her BC pills.  Even though it was 77 LA degrees, she had an old school fox stole just to drag on the floor behind her. She took the carpet like a pro, posing and smiling for some shots, giving massive 'tude for others, working hips, tits and ass. Her highlighted blowout was super snatched and accented by a shiny fairy princess tiara.

 "I love y'all too!!!" She waved at the screaming fans and unfortunate losers on line as the velvet ropes parted.  The best thing about fame is the shorthand.  No need to prove you're the cat's pajamas-people already know it.  "Don't even look at the PETA protestors trying to hate on my flow," Maya said to Athena.

"Well a few months ago you would have been one of them," Athena said.

"Puh-lease," Maya said.  "This thing has been dead.  I'm just making sure that he didn't die in vain. Haters."  She blew a kiss to a multitude of young girls near the PETA people. 

Dane Norris, the greasy principal owner of BiSex waited by the door to meet Maya and personally seat the Camp Hustla posse in three VIP booths right in front of the circular stages: one for the Cleopatra X squad, one for Thug and Black Death and the third for entourage, fam, associates, groupies and hangers on that they picked up on the road.  Dane (borderline deranged) was the son of some shipping magnate and clubs were his latest pastime.  The fantasy lighting was a rainbow of the mixed colors of a Serengeti sunset, or at least what Maya imagined a Serengeti sunset would look like if it was designed by Luci.  There were multiple shiny gold poles everywhere. 

"Look.  We're not just mentertainment." Athena pointed to a plaque behind the main bar.

"Cleopatra X, welcome!" Dane pressed a moist palm to Maya's.

"Ewww." Maya pulled out a bottle of Purell from her cream Marc Jacobs bag, turned her back and slathered her hands in it. Dane scowled and Maya flared her nostrils and sat down.

"So Dane, who's here?"  Luci looked around as if they might not stay at their own party if the answer was wrong.

Dane bobbed his oily head like a dashboard doll.  "The panty-free party girls will definitely be here."

"Good. They're a must.  Who else?"

Dane pulled a damp piece of paper from his pocket.  "Either promised or already in the house we have the Ashleys, the Michaels, the baby moguls, the socialites, celebutots, haute magicians, the Grammy girls, the athletes who want to be rappers, the rappers who want to be actors, the famous for just being famouses, the entire cast of The Sopranos, the Jessicas and every Jennifer you can think of."

"Perfect!" declared Luci and took her seat next to Maya, signaling that the party was acceptable.

Maya leaned back in the Head Bitch In Charge seat and surveyed the crowd. "International hotties plus my man. Happy happy birthday!  So I guess Rob's a no show, Athena?"

"Who knows and who cares? Bring on the man skanks!" Athena settled in next to her.  Since they were both getting the opportunity to perform- Maya as the headliner and Athena as her hype woman, they'd been getting along a little smoother.

"Uh-oh. Trouble in paradise, Lady Athena?" Maya waved at Thug at the next table with his crew, who were wilding out as usual.  He blew a kiss back.

"What are you talking about?" Athena looked through a drink menu.

"Hmph." Maya rolled her gold dusted eyes.

"Cristal to start," Luci told a muscleman bikini boy waiter.  "So Cleo, a little bird told me that Ozzie Marvelous might show up tonight so you can finally meet.  You know LA is his hometown."

"He gives me the creeps."  Athena shivered.

Luci shrugged. "You are probably just not used to men who are not out on parole."